Undoubtedly, an easy way to achieve happiness being a married couple is by continuing to grow together after marriage. Continuing personal growth after marriage is ideal, but most spouses cannot grow at the same rate or at the same time. One of the spouses may move ahead, either personally, professionally, or spiritually.
The problem usually starts when the spouse getting lagged behind starts to feel jealous of the success of the other spouse. Or when the more successful spouse has a feeling of being held back. How do you deal with this resentment when spouses grow at different rates in their marriage?
Are You Being Envious
In an ideal marriage, you would always be happy for your partner. However, that is not always possible, especially if you are not doing as well as your spouse is. This in no way implies that you are a bad husband or wife or that you don’t have genuine feelings for your spouse.
It just means that you have to put in a little more effort to be a more productive team. If you have a strong team spirit, it will be easier to celebrate your spouse's achievements and be truly happy for them. If you both have a team mentality, you can easily eliminate competition.
Having more of a team spirit will enable you to focus more on the potential benefits of your spouse's achievements rather than how far ahead they have gotten when it comes to personal growth.
For example, when your spouse gets a raise at work, you should not focus on how much less money you are making than your spouse; rather you should focus on how the extra money will be beneficial for your family finances. This way, you'll feel proud of your partner instead of letting jealousy take over.
This condition is quite prevalent in the big cities across the US, such as New York, Chicago, Los Angeles, and Atlanta. Therefore, signing a Prenup in Atlanta, Chicago, or Los Angeles would make things easier for the couple, as they have laid down their expectations and wishes in writing about how to handle things in case they have to get a divorce.
Are You Having a Feeling of Being Held Back
It is common for a spouse to feel that the other spouse is holding you back or creating an obstacle to achieving your dreams. Many couples feel trapped in their marriage as a result. You need to realize that your spouse is not deliberately trying to hold you back. It might be so that your spouse isn't aware of how to support you in your professional, personal, or spiritual growth.
To resolve this, you need to have clear communication in your marriage. It's best to just talk it out with your spouse, discussing your needs and what you expect from them. Explain to them that your personal or professional growth is not aimed at making them feel small. You are not intentionally trying to make them feel inadequate.
You expect them to be happy for you and join you in celebrating your achievements. This can be an opportunity for both of you to rise as a couple. This way, you will be able to feel more liberated as you receive the encouragement and support of your spouse.
How To Grow Together In a Marriage
Now that you know how to deal with inequalities of growth in your marriage let's learn how you can try to grow together.
Evaluate Each Others Experiences
The best way to grow together is by learning from your experiences. To do this, both of you must evaluate your experiences consciously and actively learn from your mistakes. Couples focused on growth need to take a step back to assess what worked and what did not work. Or else you run the risk of repeating your mistakes, which seriously hampers your growth as a couple and an individual.
How can you do things better the next time? You learn from mistakes, so they are not repeated. Avoid arguments, avoid conflict with each other, and work together to achieve growth.
Share Your Knowledge
To grow together, you need to share your new knowledge. A great way to grow together is by sharing what new things you have learned; it might be from the news, something new at work, or from a class you are taking. Keep a clear line of communication so your connection doesn't fade away over time and during the daily grind.
Know How To Laugh Together
There are many challenges in life for a married couple. Your kids might be fighting, you might have to face longer traffic, an appliance in your kitchen might break. You need to be able to break the tension for each other by laughing it out. You need to help your spouse through these stressful challenges with the gift of humor.
Take a step back and look at the bigger picture together. Help each other find the way forward by sharing jokes with one another. This way, you will find the way ahead and be able to grow together in your marriage.
Achieving personal growth in marriage is not a walk in the park; it can be a rather tricky affair. If one partner grows too soon too fast, it can leave the other partner feeling jealous, making them support you less. On the other hand, having lesser support can make you feel like you're being held back and trapped in the marriage. Now that you know how to deal with it when spouses grow at different rates in their marriage, you can navigate these issues skillfully and have a more balanced and complete marriage, where you both truly love.